


(You Might Be Right but) Whatever

by Potrix



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Advice, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Iron Dad & Spider Kid, Jealousy, M/M, Mentor Tony Stark, Mentor/Protégé, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Peter Parker, Platonic Relationships, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Protective Peter Parker, Protectiveness, Protégé Peter Parker, Swearing, Teen Peter Parker, Wade Wilson Warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potrix/pseuds/Potrix
Summary: Tony deserves so much better than Barnes. They’re not even close to being in the same league. Tony is genius level smart, and ridiculously generous, and funny, and very handsome—according to Aunt May—and kind of an asshole, but he’s always right there when Peter needs him, which is more than can be said for Barnes. Not that Peter’s talked to Barnes more than in passing, but still. Like, it hasn’t even been two years since they were literally trying to kill each other, and Peter might not be a relationship expert or anything, but that definitely isn’t how people are supposed to get together.Or; three times Peter gets advice from an unexpected source (and doesn’t follow it), plus the one time he actually listens (to the least likely person imaginable).





	(You Might Be Right but) Whatever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kurohachi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurohachi/gifts).



> For kurohachi/[@hachilemon](http://hachilemon.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr, who wanted Peter & Tony friendship, Bucky/Tony, and protective (cockblocking) Peter. This kind of took on a life of its own, but it still is somewhat close to your prompt? Sorry!

**1 - Wade**

Peter’s not jealous, that’s not it. Really, it’s not. He’s not happy about the situation, but he gets that Tony’s an adult with adult responsibilities and interests which, on occasion, cut into their hanging out time. Peter’s honestly still a little surprised—and a lot awe-struck—that Tony keeps him around at all, especially after Peter turned down the whole Avengers gig. Which, he’d found out weeks later, had been a real, genuine offer.

So, yeah. Peter’s totally okay with Tony cancelling their workshop time, it’s fine. They can finish the web shooter upgrades next week, no problem. The ones he’s using now are beyond awesome already, anyway. 

What Peter’s not okay with is Tony ditching him to go on a date. The date part is fine, obviously, great even; Tony deserves to have someone again, after Ms Potts, but does that someone really have to be Barnes? 

Tony deserves so much better than Barnes. They’re not even close to being in the same league. Tony is genius level smart, and ridiculously generous, and funny, and very handsome—according to Aunt May—and kind of an asshole, but he’s always right there when Peter needs him, which is more than can be said for Barnes. Not that Peter’s talked to Barnes more than in passing, but still. Like, it hasn’t even been two years since they were literally trying to kill each other, and Peter might not be a relationship expert or anything, but that definitely isn’t how people are supposed to get together. 

Who does Barnes think he is, anyway, showing up here with his BFF like they run the show, even though Tony was the one who made sure they all got their pardons, and were allowed to come back home? 

Peter sighs, frustrated, kicking his legs where they hang over the edge of the building. He goes to take a bite of his churro, but gets only air, and nearly topples off the roof when it’s snatched away from him with a cheerful, “Think fast, Spider-Kid!” 

“Hey!” Peter glares at Wade, but the expression is mostly lost behind the mask he’s still wearing over the top half of his face. “I was eating that. And that’s not how you use that—”

“Kids today, always so impatient, no manners,” Wade says, around his mouthful of stolen food. Half of it lands on his suit, which, gross. “I come bearing gifts, young’un!”

He throws a paper bag at Peter, grinning widely when Peter catches it instinctively. Peter keeps scowling at him out of the corner of his eye, even after he opens the bag, and sees the churro bites. They’re way better than Peter’s stale churro, chocolate filled and still warm. 

“Thanks,” Peter mutters begrudgingly, and stuffs two into his mouth. He chews obnoxiously, open-mouthed and loud, in Wade’s direction, because two can play that game.

Being the weirdo that he is, Wade gives him a thumbs up in return. He plops down next to Peter, knocking their shoulders together. “So, what’s with the face and the Frustfressen, my adorable arachnid friend?” 

Peter stares at him blankly. “What.” 

Wade flails at him, which doesn’t actually clarify anything. “Talk to Mama Deadpool. What’s gotten your panties in a twist?” He pauses, head tilted back thoughtfully, then pinches the fabric of his suit where it’s stretched over his hip. “Not that wearing panties under this thing is an option. Panty lines are a big no-go, Spidey, you listen to me! Not stylish, not stylish at all. But the chafing when you go commando—”

“I don’t want to hear this!” Peter exclaims, and claps his hands over his ears. “Why are you telling me this, oh my god. Stop.”

“That’s not very nice, Spidey.” Wade pouts, but only for a moment. Then he reaches out, moves Peter’s hands away, and squeezes Peter’s face between his own hands. “I worry, it’s what I do! You’re out here all by your lonesome self, nibbling on the same churro for over an hour—”

“Have you been watching me? Again?” Peter demands, or tries to, but it comes out garbled. He swats Wade away before continuing, “I told you not to do that. It’s super creepy.” 

Wade presses a hand to his heart, making a wounded noise. “This is the thanks I get for looking after you? After I, very heroically, I might add, came to your aid only just last week, which, by the way, you’re welcome for, even if you never did say thank you or—”

Groaning, Peter lets himself fall backwards, stretching out on his back. Wade keeps talking, but it’s easy to tune him out; Peter’s used to his constant chattering—and arguments with himself—by now, after months of Wade occasionally showing up out of the blue to join Peter when he’s on patrol. Peter has no idea why Wade tends to follow him around, and he’s been warned, repeatedly, by pretty much everyone he knows, to stay as far away from him as possible, but Wade’s not that bad, really. He’s probably kind of crazy, and he does some really shady stuff for some really shady people, but he’s also helped Peter out of some very sticky situations. And he always brings food. 

“Tony is dating Barnes,” Peter blurts, suddenly, cutting Wade off mid-word. 

Wade considers that for a moment, then decides, “Hot.” 

“Ew.” Peter scrunches up his nose, and shudders. “Don’t even start.” 

“There’s no accounting for taste,” Wade says, sniffing haughtily. 

Peter rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t even care.”

“Obviously.” Wade nods, mock serious, and gestures at Peter sprawled out form. “Hence the midnightly sulking and angsty teenage drama.” 

He lies down next to Peter, then, and nudges his shoulder against Peter’s in silent support. For all that he barely ever stops talking, Peter’s come to learn that Wade is actually a really attentive listener whenever he does manage to stay quiet for more than a few minutes. And his advice is even good every now and again, when it doesn’t consist of stabbing the problem until it goes away. 

“It’s just,” Peter starts, then sighs, and throws up his hands, unsure how to put what he feels into words. “I just want Tony to be happy.”

Wade nods, serious this time, and takes Peter’s left hand, tugging off the glove. “You don’t think Winter Hottie is making him happy?” 

“He is, for now,” Peter admits, reluctant. He hisses a little when Wade prods at his wrist, earning himself a sharp look, and is quick to reassure, “It was a clean break, and it healed fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s just a little sore.” 

They don’t need a repeat of a loudly yelling Deadpool—covered in blood, and missing parts of at least one vital organ himself—barging into the emergency room with Spider-Man, loudly protesting, thrown over his shoulder. The Daily Bugle’d had a field day with that one. 

“So,” Wade drawls, thankfully satisfied with Peter’s state of health, “you want Tony to be happy, and Broody McHunkerson makes him happy, but you’re unhappy about that because of reasons?”

“They used to hate each other! Like, not even half a year ago!”

“Hate sex is a thing, oh innocent one,” Wade starts to explain, completely ignoring Peter’s horrified look. “Logan stabbed me through the head that one time—well, several times, I think, but timelines are funky sometimes. But he did, at least once, but that didn’t stop me from sucking his di—”

“Why are you like this?” Peter whines pitifully. Wade cackles gleefully, and doesn’t stop even when Peter starts throwing pebbles at him. “Ugh. You’re the worst.”

“Yes,” Wade agrees easily, and steals the bag of churro bites, stuffing a couple into his mouth. “Wha’ ‘oes ‘ur gi’fi’end ‘ave’to ‘ay ‘bout ‘is?”

Peter levels him with a flat look, which makes Wade roll his eyes, all dramatic and exaggerated, before swallowing pointedly, and repeating, “What does your girlfriend have to say about this?” 

“Not much,” Peter lies, unconvincing even to his own ears. Wade turns just enough to raise a lacking eyebrow at him, and Peter sighs, defeated. “That Tony’s a grown-ass man, and can handle his own love life without the input of a sixteen-year-old who’s been in a serious relationship for all of four months.”

Wade nods, as if that’s what he expected. “Michelle’s a clever girl, you should listen to her,” he says, then pauses, considering. “Actually, you should always listen to women. They usually know better. Men are pretty dumb.” 

Peter opens his mouth to protest, but closes it again when he remembers how many wild, outrageous plans to ask Michelle out he’d come up and never gone through with. He really is lucky that she, apparently, finds his awkwardness kind of cute. And eventually just asked him out herself. 

So, instead, he demands, “Give me back my churros,” which ends in a wrestling match because Wade is an ass, and only ends once Peter’s got a skinned knee, Wade has hit his head on an exhaust vent, and the remaining churros are squished beyond repair. 

“You suck,” Peter pants, and then immediately adds, “Don’t you dare!” when Wade starts grinning. 

Wade holds up his hands. “I would never,” he says, going for affronted, but landing somewhere closer to absolutely dorky because he’s still giggling like an idiot. “So. Chimichangas?” 

“Yeah,” Peter says, with one last slap to Wade’s leg, “all right.”

Wade beams, jumps up excitedly, and launches himself off the roof with a whooped, “Catch me if you can, Spider-Kid! Last one at Pablo’s is paying!” 

“Stop cheating!” Peter yells back, but doesn’t hesitate to web Wade’s feet together when he swings by him. 

He’s almost used up this month’s allowance, so sue him.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a reblogable version of this [here](http://potrix-the-queerschlaeger.tumblr.com/post/169320929943/you-might-be-right-but-whatever-part-1-of-4) on tumblr. 
> 
> Go check out my other [work](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Potrix/works), or come over and say hi on [tumblr](http://potrix-the-queerschlaeger.tumblr.com).


End file.
